Wednesday September 17th
A typical morning. Waking up, cup of coffee, breakfast, off to work. I wore a simple yet comfortable skirt and sleeveless shirt with a cardigan in my bag. Leaving for work from our home that we have listed to sell (not the new one) I even wore flip flops thanks to the fact my feet were perma swollen and although not necessarily fashion appropriate, my comfort and the fact nothing else fit basically made it so. Truth be told, by this point I don't really care what my feet look like, I can barely see them.
After work, I decided to take myself to lunch and mid bite realize I had missed a phone call and had a voice mail. One voice mail happened to be from my Dr, Dr.Jodi Wallis instructing me to meet her at Crouse Hospital so she could monitor my blood pressure for a couple hours instead of our regular scheduled appointment in her office. Leaving me her cell number, she asked me to call her back so I did. She informs me that pending my results I could very well be spending the night in the hospital but that she was concerned about my blood pressure readings.. had I experienced headaches? (No). Blurry vision or spots? (No).... I informed her I felt great besides the expected discomfort.
Becoming a bit nervous, I called Joe to meet me at my lunch spot so we could walk on over to the hospital. Luck would have it that my lunch spot was a mere alley way walk to the hospital. As we walked over on a lovely September afternoon, we joked how this could be it... what would we do... are we ready?.... and naturally as I would, totally blew the whole thing off, because why wouldn't I? My BP has been a little elevated yes but I had zero symptoms. What's the worse that can happen?
Joe and I enter the hospital and check into Labor and Delivery. Seated, we are asked to wait being that apparently we picked a very popular time to show up to L&D and had to wait for a triage room. What felt like 5 years and a week later, we finally make it into a room. Nursing staff, residents and the like are in and out. I change from my work outfit into the ever so chic hospital gown, provide a urine sample, have an I.V. put in (first red flag in my head and the first I.V. I've ever had in my entire life) and have blood taken on the other (I renamed my nurse Barbara to Nurse Vampire ). Within 30 minutes my doctor not only informs me that my BP hit 190/120 which is stroke and seizure range but I'm being admitted AND we are going to induce labor. With every word spoken I could visualize a window opening and my lovely birth plan typed on lavender paper being swept away in a breeze right out the into the free air. The best part? After they tell me this and I start crying, they take my blood pressure again because what's more calming than saying words like "induce" "stroke" "Seizure" "I need more blood from you" WHILE I'm thinking to myself "F WORD ... I need to call agencies and find subs and clear my schedule and we haven't moved into the new house and I have nothing packed for the hospital and WTH is going on and how are they going to induce me and oh my god I don't want to have a C Section but I swear I just heard someone mention it" SURE! Take my blood pressure. Thank God I was already laying down when hearing this.
The doctors and entourage of medical personnel leave the triage room and inform me that once a room opens up we will be moved..... As in moved into the room I will eventually be giving birth in. Joe and I looked at each other, chins on the triage room floor. Within moments, Joe is taking down a list of things I will be needing for the stay. Did I pack a bag like I thought I should have the weekend prior? NO! Because we had PLENTY OF TIME, so I thought. Once Joe left the room, I cried. Cried because I was scared. Cried because I had no idea what was about to happen, had zero control over anything and cried because of the enormity of the situation and a feeling of being utterly overwhelmed with worry, information and the reality of "you are becoming a parent like right now".
Once in a room, I'm informed that we will be inserting a pill (can't remember the life of me what it is .. not the cervadil, the other one) up my vagina every few hours to help soften the cervix because Shocker! I'm not dilated. The funny thing about birth, your cervix needs to open to 10 cm (think of a bagel) before you can push your baby out of there. In addition, they attached me to a magnesium drip for my blood pressure and since the side effect of the magnesium is drowsiness and being light headed, I was not allowed to walk around or more importantly walk to the bathroom. I had my own little personal can with legs set up near my bed. Let me tell you, nothing is more special than being woken up in the middle of the night to have a doctor insert a pill up you with not so gentle hands. The best part is, is that they take your blood pressure AFTER doing this then look at you like "Hm, why is your pressure still elevated?" How about you give me the glove, pill and BP cuff and let's see how your pressure is after?"
Thursday September 18th
After the pill insert routine all evening every 4th hour as promised, it was decided that the next step in induction would be to have a balloon inserted in my cervix since I was starting to dilate. I joked that as long as it wasn't a balloon animal I was for it. How I managed to maintain a sense of humor through this is either proof positive of an underlying mental illness or an extreme sense of humor that acts as a shield/barrier to all things scary and uncomfortable. It was inserted from the end of a large stick which was scarier than it really had to be. Once placed, the balloon was then filled with water which then acted as a way to stretch out the cervix. Said balloon was to remain there for a period of 12 hours. I have no recollection as to what time this happened. I do remember that it didn't feel awesome.
I've made mention before of us buying a house in the suburbs on the same street as Joes family. Well, at this point we weren't moved in yet. Rooms were being painted and Emmas room was the first ready to go but our stuff remained at our 'old house'. All of the baby accoutrements, supplies and everything she owns were already at the 'new house'. Besides THAT! (yes! there's more!) Joe was recruited by an insurance agency and started putting in longer hours just starting there. Being on medical lock down myself, I was deemed useless as far as the move goes. I mean, I DID have my own duties to worry about. Joe's family and Joe went into high gear and while I did what I had to at the hospital (have a baby). Everyone just infiltrated the homes removing one room at a time and putting it into the other home so by the time we were released from the hospital, we would be starting our new life together at our new home with most of our stuff around us. It was absolute mayhem however, knowing how hard everyone was working made my tasks easier to deal with because all I had to worry about was delivering Emma, recovering and getting us home safely and together. Side note, if you ever need your kitchen re organized, you need to contact Joe's cousin Tina. I expect a "finders fee".
Friday September 19th
If it wasn't for Joe's trips and stays in the hospital, my friends and family in touch via text, FB messages, emails etc I would have been insanely crazy. My nurse of the day was a lovely woman named Cathy. When I woke up eaerly this morning, the balloon that was previously inserted was basically falling out (Sorry but this IS a birth story) and it was effective considering I was 4 cm dilated that morning. For the record, how they tell how dilated you are is another "pleasant" measurement done via hands. The good side is that those exams actually help you practice your breathing technique for the "big show" so it's all good.
At around 12pm (while Joe went looking for food of course) I was chatting with the nurse, Cathy when all of a sudden I felt an inner "pop" followed by a warm gush. My eyes widened and pointing down there, said "Uh, I know I didn't just pee myself" and we celebrated the fact that my water broke on it's own. All I kept thinking was "This is happening". I've read enough to know that once your water breaks it's really just a matter of time before things get really moving.
Joe had to run more errands between the old/new house and we were sure that things weren't going to progress immediately so I excused him to tend to that. He also was going to stop at Sweet On Chocolate on his way back to the hospital to pick up a tray of truffles and chocolates for the nursing staff because he's a considerate but brilliant man. To see the nursing staff come into our room barely able to talk with a mouth full of chocolate but looking so happy was pretty nice. I couldn't have been better taken care of and Cathy was beyond sweet and was with me the entire day. I doubt I will ever forget her and how comfortable she made me feel and how wonderful she was to me and to Joe.
My sister came in for a visit and the 3 of us hung around for some time when the contractions started coming in. In addition my blood pressure was starting to go up again so it was decided that in hopes to keep my blood pressure lower, alleviating some of the pain would be recommended. Now, originally, I wanted a natural birth but I also wasn't comfortable with the idea of allowing my BP to increase again to either stroke/seizure levels. That would be insanely dangerous to me and to Emma so I proceeded with the epidural.
My arms around the neck of my awesome nurse Cathy and in goes that massive needle to my back for the epidural. I'm not sure at this point what was more unpleasant... the epidural process or having pills inserted in my vagina not so gently for 12 plus hours. Either way with that being done, I was sent back to the room to lay in wait, literally until the show got on the road.
As time passed, the contractions kept coming. My legs were heavy and although not NUMB like I was misled to believe, there was enough relief for me to just be in the moment and not be so overwhelmed in pain. The time between each contraction was usually followed by a moment of relief before having to hurl whatever I had left in my stomach out. After hours of the nurse who took over for Cathy, Deena (? check with Joe) came in to check to see if I was dilated, I was over it and just felt that it was time to push. I demanded (not so sure how nice I was at this point) the doctor to come in and check and was elated to hear that I was 10 cm dilated. I was ready mentally, physically and honestly just over the process.
Immediately it was like a scene change and the room filled with women in scrubs. There was barely a moment to think "Ok, I am about to have a child come out of me" before Deena looked me in the eyes and asked if I was ready to push and so I did. For about 2 hours. The coaching, the sweat, the pushing, the feeling like I wasn't going to be able to push her out. It was beyond describable. Joe, who didn't want to be anywhere south of my head was ordered to grab a leg and therefore gave him front row seating to the entire show. People have told me that it feels like you have to poop when you are ready to push your child out. I don't know about all that. Maybe I'm too regular? It felt like I had something in my uterus that I was ready to not have there anymore.
At one point nearing the end, I was covered in sweat and felt like I couldn't go another second. I was crying through a push, exhausted and trying to keep my heavy numb legs up when I told Joe "I can't do this"... Joe moved his head closer to me and says "You know that story about the little engine that could?" To which I replied screaming "I'M NOT A FUCKING TRAIN!!!" Which actually helped because I was able to use that moment and push even harder.
I will never forget the visual moment of when Emma finally came out at 11:39pm, lifted into the air like a trophy, purple in color, covered in blood with the biggest cone head I've ever seen in my life. It was beautiful. Joe looked shell shocked. They placed Emma on my stomach and I proceeded to pass along the placenta (gross feeling as that was). When they removed Emma to clean her, the doctors went back to attending to me down there but used a speculum and informed me they needed to stop the bleeding but couldn't find where it was coming from. I pleaded and cried for them to stop because the pain was immeasurable. The decision was made to take me to the operating room. The bleeding was coming from either my uterus or cervix and had to be stopped.
Off we went leaving Joe with his new daughter. In the operating room, even more people came in than the delivery room scrubbing up. I was hoisted on another table, my legs propped up on 2 holders and shortly after all I remember is hearing the voice of a woman with a Russian accent saying "I'm going to give you something to make you sleep".... and when I woke up, I was being wheeled in the recovery room. Emma had torn my cervix in 2 places and I had a natural tear of my perineum that was stitched as well.
Emma Louise Courcy, arrived officially on 9/19/14 at 11:39pm weighing 5lbs 15oz.
Joe and Emma met me in recovery and immediately she was put to breast to start feeding. I remember looking down at her, feeling a bit off from the meds, my body feeling like it went to war and thinking "Holy shit, I did it." Of course Joe gets his own credit but I did the hard work. I went through pregnancy. I went through labor. I pushed her out. I did this. WE made her. We have a child. Holy shit we have a daughter and then the tears came-a-rushing. Overwhelmed with happiness and a deeper love than I ever thought possible, not just for Emma but for Joe. For everything we have been through, for all his love and support during the pregnancy, for being here now (the Little Engine comment became funny at this point), for making Emma with me and knowing how he was going to be an amazing father. I am writing this over a month after it happened and the sheer memory of that moment still brings tears to my eyes.
Due to my preeclampsia and what would be Emma having jaundice we spent a total of 6 days in the hospital. Eventually my pressure lowered but I was sent home with medication and told to supplement vitamins with iron pills to help recover from the blood loss. Emma s jaundice took some time to drop but eventually it did enough to be released. Let me tell ya, while I appreciated the nursing staff, one of the lactation consultants who helped (not both), the doctors... there is no way to describe the feeling of being wheeled out on a beautiful sunny day to freedom after being on medical lockdown that long. I liken it to a prisoner seeing/smelling freedom for the first time. It took all I had to not scream "Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty I'm free at last!" to random strangers outside as the incredibly nice elderly volunteer wheeled Emma and I to Joe's Jeep.
Arriving to our new home with our new baby with a new life needless to say was incredibly overwhelming not to mention being dead tired and sore from head to toe. The fact that the family did so much for us helped but looking back I can say that the first day home was definitely the hardest. Since, Emma has thrived and has been gaining weight. We had a battle with some "breast milk jaundice" but with patience and persistence we combated that and I have recovered quite well, not only losing most if not all baby weight (not one stretch mark...what what!!) already but am off the blood pressure medication and am not only getting accustomed to our new life but am really loving it.
It seems like the birth story is such a huge story but in the scheme of everything it's really just the prelude to our new lives together. As crazy as this was all to me, I think of women who have had tragic events in their pregnancy or I think of single mothers who go through this and there isn't a moment where I do not feel blessed or thankful for every moment we went through. Our challenges or the measly 6 days in the hospital are really nothing in comparison to what others go through.
I'm eternally grateful for everyone who has been and is there for us and I'm thrilled... exhausted... but thrilled at this new role in life. Becoming Emma s mother is the one of the best things that has ever happened to me and I can't wait for all the love and chaos that follows.
Thanks for reading the Prego Blog and for all the love and support throughout as well.
Cheers!! XO.
